Why be nice?

So, I am just thinking to myself for the umteenth time recently that I'm not sure that I should even bother being nice anymore.  I used to not be very nice to people.  I was very assertive and quite a bit of a wench.  Not really mean, most of the time, but very bossy and outspoken.  Then came children and school and PTO and other moms (and dads) and I thought, "I need to be nice so that I can help my children get in better with the other kids and be accepted", which was not something I'd ever cared about before.  I mean, seriously, when I got tired of playing with a friend I would just tell them so and send them home.  I didn't mean to be rude or anything, but just didn't see the need to pretend.  I tempered that somewhat as I got older and realized that just wasn't the way to handle things, but I still had issues with wanting to tell people "the way it is".  I guess I should note that as an adult it has been determined that I have Asperger's, so social skills were not my forte.  Still, I had tons of friends and people wanted to be around me, whether I was nice to them or not.  Weird, huh?  Flash forward to the Mom trying to make nice with the other parents, teachers, administrators, etc.  Not very successful.  I don't know why.  I really, really try.  The DH says I'm too intense and it scares people, even when I'm being nice.  They just aren't comfortable around me.

Now after a couple of weeks of yet another summer where I see all these posts by my "friends" from the school talking about all the great things their kids are doing together, while mine NEVER get invited over, I'm wondering if it's been worth it.  All the years of volunteering, of being the person that they could ask for help with just about anything, the person who said "sure, I'll take your kids with me to (insert place, park, etc.) - what's a few more kids when I already have so many?  Ha! Ha!".  And for what?!  For nothing.  For being totally ignored by all the mom cliques, for getting a pat on the head and a "that's nice" attitude from everyone, for being treated like a child that is bothering the grown-ups - especially since I'm older than most of them!  So very irritating.  And I have bitten my tongue to where it's a nub, just trying to not make waves so there wouldn't be problems for my kids.  I have literally stood there with a mom (who came up to me, not me to her) talking to me, when another mom comes up and says things like "so where are we eating lunch today?" and they proceed to discuss it, knowing I'm standing there and that I am free for lunch, and never once saying "hey, want to join us?"  Then they started talking about the playdate for their kids - who are the same age as one of mine - that have all been in classes together for years - and again, no mention of "would (kid) like to come also?"  Just unbelievably rude!  It's not like they didn't know.  Again, we've all known each other for years.

I used to make excuses for it - we don't go to the same church, we don't live in the same ritzy neighborhood, we don't drive the right cars, etc.  But I'm tired of making the excuses, especially when other people that go to a different church, live on my same street and don't drive an expensive car are made part of the clique.  The DH talks about possibly moving.  As a person with AS and a bit of OCD, the thought of moving gives me hives.  On the other hand, maybe it would be good.  Maybe I could go back to being the old me.  The not-so-nice, overly assertive, bossy, wench-y person that I used to be.  I was generous to a fault with people I cared about (and still am).  I was totally loyal to people I cared about (and still am).  But even if I cared about you, I was still bossy and controlling, etc.  Yet people seemed to like me much better that way.

Maybe it's just that I'm tired of all of it.  All the daily dealing with people.  Maybe I'll go back to being a cross between Maxine and Garfield and if people like me, or if they don't, I just won't care anymore.  It's not doing anything for my kids with me being nice and sweet.  Anyway, I don't even know if anyone reads this or not, and I certainly don't need any sermons if you do.  I would like to know if other people feel like this.  Because from what I see from the other Moms around me, they don't have these same issues.  Or they are really good at hiding it.  All that matters at the moment is that I've had a chance to vent and can now take a deep breath and maybe sleep a little better.  Maybe.

AARRGGHH!!

Ok.  That is how I'm feeling right now.  I'm so very tired and my brain is fuzzy and/or fried.  I was talking about things with my spouse that related to my kids and somehow that turned into spending the next 15 minutes listening to said spouse expound on my "qualities" as a parent and I ended up somehow feeling guilty for spending too much time with my children and treating them to too many outings and fun times and that they don't appreciate it (which they probably don't as all children are inherently egocentric and mine seem to have that to the n-th degree), etc., etc., etc.  I just have to vent for a moment and then I'm going to go check on each of the children, including the one who never seems to make it to their own bed and has to be peeled off the couch, chair, bean bag they are glued to when they go to sleep, and make sure all are tucked in and safe and sound before I go crash.  The problem is that my brain will still be going and I'm too tired to stay in here and I have yet to purchase a small computer/tablet/what-have-you for myself along with the software to let me dictate my verbal meltdowns so that I can have them freed from my brain so that possibly I will be able to snooze without them running rampant through my dreams.  Wish me luck.

Morning

Ugh!  This morning was terrible.  No one wanted to get moving, including (especially) me.  Finally got everyone out the door though.  It's bad enough that it's a Monday, but the Monday after Spring Forward is just not cool.  Bleh!

Not much of a first post, but my head is still too blurry and fuzzy to think very clearly about what I'm saying.  Maybe later in the day.... Really, I need to get on here about 2 am when I'm not sleeping and have all the day's thoughts and to-do's and should-have-dones are running round in circles in my brain.